I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
