I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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