I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
