There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
my poor anus
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There are leaves in my underwear?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
