i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
