Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
