You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just invented taco cereal.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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