A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
