All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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