it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
