I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
