I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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