I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
