No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
