omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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