and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
