Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
