My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
