I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
