You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
