I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
