Ambien. No doubt about it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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