whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
