Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
