he was CRYING into my vagina
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
