she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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