I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
