naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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