I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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