I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize