I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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