I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize