New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
