This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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