Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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