oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just gift wrapped bread.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
