White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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