dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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