This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
