Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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