we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
