question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
