He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
