I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
is it fun? or sober?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
