Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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