dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
