return my video game
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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