$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
