This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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