My first STD was from a foam party
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
