am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We left the knife in your bed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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