i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize