I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
