you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
