I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
