Ambien. No doubt about it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
