a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize