When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
