One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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