A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
