I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
