Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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