her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
