So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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