just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
