This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
