So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize