Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
