the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
