We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
