How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
