I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
