areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
