i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
