All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
