if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
