HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
