drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
