we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
