also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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