Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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