i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
