you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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