Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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