i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
