My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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